


Tethered Bones

by partykeefus



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Genderfluid Lance (Voltron), Go Team Family Voltron!!, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Swearing, plot if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 01:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11220747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partykeefus/pseuds/partykeefus
Summary: Lance can't handle being the seventh wheel any more. How can he cope?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I just started writing as a coping mechanism. Lance happened to be the subject of it. Enjoy the angst! ;_;

Lance made his way to his room after another successful mission. Successful as a whole, but he knew he was only slowing everyone else down. He nearly got them killed. He held out for as long as he could, hoping his negativity was masked well enough that the team didn’t sense it while forming Voltron. Once the door slid shut behind him, the tears started.

 

“I’m… useless.” He murmured. “No good… seventh wheel.” Lance’s voice was shaking as he spoke. A tear slipped down his cheek. He dropped down onto his bed and cradled his head in his hands as sob after sob wracked his body. “Why.. can’t- can’t I be useful?” He hiccuped. “I’m just-!!” His head shot up and he yanked his pillow to his face before screaming into it. Instead of lowering it, he held it tight in his arms. Hugging it close to his body, he began crying again. He hoped to whatever higher power there was that no one could hear his break down.

 

After a minute or two, his hiccups became sparse and he relaxed enough to nearly drop the pillow. He stared vacantly at the floor just beyond his feet. “That’s enough of that.” he said quietly as he stood. He walked to the small bathroom attached to his room and looked in the mirror. He met his own eyes for a second before looking beyond his reflection. “Disgusting.” he said. He took a tissue and blew his nose before washing his face. Once done, he exited the bathroom and stood in his room. He was staring at his bed, deep in thought.

 

He didn’t want to feel like this any more.

 

He left his room and headed straight for the training deck. Maybe exerting some energy would make him feel better.

 

\-----

 

It didn’t. He was now sweaty and sore, and he was pretty sure that last bot hit him hard enough to bruise his face. “End training sequence!” He roared. The bot immediately deactivated and sank into the floor. He stood alone, panting, rubbing his cheek where the bot hit him. He tasted blood. The door behind him hissed.

 

“Nice work getting your ass kicked.” Keith entered the room smirking. Lance turned to get a glimpse of said smirk and flew into a rage.

 

“Thank you, Keith, for your encouragement! You are the pinnacle of motivation! But how about this: FUCK. YOU.” He yelled, stabbing his pointer finger in Keith’s direction. Keith’s smile faded into a wide eyed look of shock. “Mr. Save the Day, ‘I’m better than you and let me rub it in your face’ Kogane! Is that what this is? You rubbing your amazing skill in my face? Are you here just to tell me how insignificant I am? Is that it?!” Lance’s screaming echoed off the empty training deck walls. Keith looked like he just got slapped.

 

Lance’s eyes began filling with tears. “Well if you are, you’re right. Have fun training.” He bit out. He walked hastily out of the room, leaving a very shocked and hurt looking Keith alone to stew in his thoughts.

 

\-----

 

Lance stopped by the med bay and grabbed some disinfectant spray and bandages then made a stop in the kitchen on the way to his room. He thanked a higher power it was empty. How would he explain grabbing the sharpest knife he could find and bringing it to his room? He couldn’t. So good thing he didn’t have to. After pocketing the knife, which was luckily very small, he left for his room.

 

He closed the door and locked it behind him. He put his supplies on the bed and sat next to them before taking his shirt off and grabbing the knife. He promised himself he’d never cut again, but it felt like his only option for relief. He made shallow cuts just below his left elbow, then switched hands to make similar marks on his right arm. Once blood trickled down his arms slowly, he removed his pants to cut his upper thighs. He winced through the pain, and found once he started it was hard to stop.

 

He did eventually stop, and he admired his handiwork. Cuts up and down his thighs, with small slices on his forearms. He basked in the slew of chemicals being released in his brain to dull the pain. He closed his eyes, forcing tears he didn’t realize had formed down his cheeks. He smiled peacefully.

 

He felt better.

 

\-----

 

After showering, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds, he dressed himself in sweats and threw on his hoodie. He laid in bed very carefully, but after a few moments he heard some knocks on his door.

 

“Lance? Food’s ready!” Hunk’s muffled voice met Lance’s ears. He smiled.

 

“Comin’!” Lance chimed.

 

\-----

 

Lance was cheery through dinner, making puns and jokes and making everyone smile. He loved this feeling. He felt like he was floating. He even sent Keith an apologetic look before returning to his animated conversation about Kaltenecker piloting the black lion. He cracked one last joke, which made Hunk (who was sitting next to him) whack his hand into Lance’s arm. He yelped and winced back far more than anyone anticipated.

 

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry!” Hunk immediately sobered. “Are you okay??” Concerned looks homed in on Lance.

 

“Uh, yeah! Never better! Just some scratches from training.” Lance wore a shaky smile and rubbed his arm where the cuts hid. Allura began reaching for Lance’s arm.

 

“Let me see, we should probably-” She started.

 

“NO!” Lance shouted and stood abruptly, causing the chair to topple to the floor. He paled. “I mean, no, it’s okay! I’m completely, 100%, A-OK! No need to worry!” He lied terribly. The looks fixed on him ranged from concern to confusion. But when Lance met Keith’s eyes, he saw understanding. He swallowed thickly. “I’m gonna hit the hay-” He faked a yawn. “We had a long day, good night everyone!” He said hastily before nearly sprinting out of the dining hall.

 

“That was… weird. Even for Lance.” Pidge said as played with her food goo.

 

“Yeah. I’ve seen him jumpy before but not like this, not for a long time now.” Hunk agreed.

 

“When was the last time you saw him this jumpy?” Shiro asked.

 

“When he was living with his dad.” Hunk gave a clipped answer.

 

“Why would living with his father make him jumpy?” Coran took another bite of his food.

 

“He… He wasn’t a good man, Coran.” Hunk began poking his goo with his spoon. “Lance would come to school with bruises. BIG bruises. When I asked him about them he’d say he fell off his bike, or fell down the stairs. But bruises like that were not… normal.” Hunk frowned. Keith stood suddenly and exited the room without a word.

 

He didn’t need to say much more for everyone else to understand.

 

\------

 

Lance rubbed his slightly swollen cheek as he looked out at the stars. When he heard the door open he started talking. “I’m fine, really, Hunk. It was just a-” he turned to see Keith. His jaw snapped shut. They merely stared at eachother for a few moments before Keith walked over to where Lance was sitting.

 

“Is this seat taken?” Keith said.

 

“Nah, go for it.” Lance replied, looking back to the stars. They sat in silence for a while.

 

“Sorry-”

 

“I know I-”

 

“Oop, you go.” Lance said.

 

“No, you go first.” Keith insisted. Lance sighed.

 

“Sorry I kinda blew up on you earlier. I’m trying to work some stuff out right now…” Lance trailed off.

 

“It’s okay, Lance. I get it.” Keith said with a small smile. Lance looked at Keith.

 

“Do you, though?” Lance quipped in annoyance.

 

“Yes, I do.” Keith removed his jacket and held out his arms for Lance to see.

 

Scars.

 

Lightened by time, but scars none the less

 

“Oh.” Lance said quietly.

 

Keith turned his arms over to show Lance the scarring.

 

“I know cutting when I see it.” Keith said seriously. “Hunk mentioned your dad after you left… and I couldn’t help but relate.” Lance stared in horror. “My foster families were abusive, too. I couldn’t help but blame myself so… I coped like this.” Lance looked away. “It had to be my fault they hit me. They always said ‘You only have yourself to blame’. And I believed them.” Keith crossed his arms over his chest. “But I know they were to blame now. It was never my fault.” He stared at the ground in front of them. “So why now?” Keith asked as he looked over to Lance’s vacant face.

 

“I’m useless.” Lance started. “I only hold everyone back. I can’t even beat a training sequence… like you. I almost got everyone killed today. It’s my fault that we almost died.” Lance’s voice got choked up. “I’m just… a seventh wheel. Including Coran and Allura.” He released a pathetic sob. “I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be the Blue Paladin.”

 

“But you are.” Keith said softly, laying a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “You  _ are _ here and you  _ are _ the Blue Paladin. You are an important asset to this team. Without you we can’t form Voltron. Without you, I doubt we’d even smile or laugh as much as we do. You  _ are _ important, Lance.” Keith smiled.

 

Lance looked at his face, searching for any sign of a lie. He sighed. “I guess if you say it, it must be true.” He laughed fakely. Keith frowned.

 

“Lance, I’m being serious.” Keith insisted.

 

“I am too.” Lance looked at him with an intensity Keith had never seen before. “You really mean it, don’t you?” Keith stared.

 

“Of course I do.” Keith leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Lance’s shoulders. “How could you not be important? We need you, Lance.” Keith didn’t break eye contact as his face neared Lance’s.

 

Lance’s arm slipped around Keith’s waist. “Thanks, samurai.” They looked into eachother’s eyes for a few moments before Keith swooped down and planted a smooch right on Lance’s mouth.

 

“No problem, sharp shooter.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mind meld exercises, and Lance's secrets can't be kept anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a wonderful anon on tumblr suggested I do some mind melding klangst so I did it!! the memory that is shown is different than the anon suggestion though, i liked the idea of a teenage Lance better than a child Lance.

“Alright team, let’s do some mind melding exercises!” Allura’s voice echoed off the walls of the training deck. A collective groan rang out from the group.

“Now now, paladins of Voltron have no secrets to be kept! This is an exercise of trust and cooperation!” Coran chirped as he handed out the headbands.

Lance was handed a headband, and he took it hesitantly. Today was not a good day to let his team get a glimpse inside his head. He’d been having flashbacks all morning since last night’s events with Keith. He didn’t want everyone knowing about the cuts, let alone the memories that kept surfacing. He swallowed hard and steeled himself for his impending doom. He put on the headband and sat in the circle forming on the floor.

“Alright, everyone ready?” Shiro asked the group. Everyone but Lance gave the affirmative. Keith glanced at Lance in concern. “Okay, close your eyes and focus.” Shiro said quietly.

“Good. Focus on forming Voltron. Allow your fellow paladins into your minds and become one.” Allura said soothingly.

Lance felt like the gates of his mind had been blown down, despite his efforts. He could feel the others peering into his mind, reaching out to him. He began to panic, but before he could do anything about it he felt a warmth in his head. Comfort. Home.

Keith.

Lance opened his mind to this red warmth. It felt like he was holding Keith’s hand, receiving a reassuring squeeze and a gentle smile. Lance opened up completely and allowed them in.

The memory of their kiss surfaced. A sigh escaped Lance’s lips. Another memory came up, one of the mission yesterday. He frowned. Before he could stop it, the memories of cutting poured out. Pain spread throughout the bodies of everyone in the mind meld. A soft gasp was heard, but Lance couldn’t pinpoint who it came from. Now that Lance’s mind was open, more memories began surfacing. The garrison, his home, his mom… His dad.

A vivid memory of teenage Lance emerged. He was wearing a skirt, one he just bought with his first paycheck from his first job. He wore leggings over his shaved legs, with heeled boots that went up to his knees. And to top it off he was wearing a simple pink crop top, along with winged eye liner. He was twirling in front of a body mirror, smiling and admiring his outfit. The door to his room slammed open in the memory, making a few people jump along with memory Lance.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” His father’s voice echoed. He stomped over to Lance’s lanky form, which was now cowering and backing up into the corner of his room.

“I- I was just-”

“I didn’t raise a faggot!!” Lance’s father roared. “What’s wrong with you?!”

“Noth- Nothing is wrong with me! Nothing!” Memory Lance argued. “Absolutely nothing is wrong with me! I can express myself however I’d-”

CRACK

Lance’s father’s fist connected with Lance’s face.

Lance ripped the headband off his head. “FUCK!” He yelled and threw the headband as hard as he could against the ground. He whipped around and glared at Keith. “I trusted you! I let you in and I trusted you and this is - How could you?!” Lance screamed as tears poured down his face.

“Lance…” Shiro breathed.

“Lance it’s okay. We-” Hunk started.

“No! It’s not okay! Nothing is okay!” Lance sobbed. “I couldn’t hide it, and now you all know how fucked up I am! I can’t believe I agreed to this! Fuck!” He began turning to leave but was caught by someone grabbing him.

“It’s okay to be embarrassed, Lance.” Keith cooed. “But running away from us won’t help anyone. Especially yourself.” He wrapped both arms around Lance’s shaking form. “It really is okay, Lance.” He whispered.

“Lance, what your father did to you was wrong and all kinds of messed up, but we’re here for you now. All of us.” Hunk stepped over to him and wrapped both boys up in a hug.

“We’ve got your back, buddy.” Pidge added as she joined the growing group hug. “Besides, we’ve got a cool new space dad anyways.” Lance sniffled, then laughed. Shiro rolled his eyes but joined the hug.

“We’re your family now, Lance. Don’t think we wouldn’t do anything for you.” Shiro said fondly.

“Thank you. I’m sorry I’m like this.” Lance croaked.

“It’s okay, my boy. Everything will work itself out, just give it some time.” Coran added as he squeezed the life out of everyone in the hug.

“By the way Lance,” Allura smiled when Lance looked up at her. “I loved that outfit. Maybe we can find you some clothes that you’re more comfortable in?” Tears filled Lance’s eyes.

“Okay.”


End file.
